Ellen: Sorry to tell you this, but I have replaced you with new duck running pals.
Kelly: No, no, no. I worried that was the case. Yeesh, you take a couple days for a lingering back pain . . .
E: Their waddling game is just so on point, Kels! You need to level up.
K: Okay, okay, but can they match your pace? I mean, I know I’m sometimes easily distracted or not the best listener, but I can (usually) at least manage to run in a straight line beside you.
E: Fair point. Those ducks have stumpy (but adorable!) little legs. Their stride leaves something to be desired. That said, I’m truly prayer-hands-hashtag-blessed to have found such a perfectly paced running buddy. Although it’s worth noting that we are constantly arguing over who is faster. (It’s you, friend. YOU.)
K: I mean, I have pretty stumpy little legs as well. It’s probably why you’re clearly the faster of the two of us.
But back to why you should choose me > duckling pals: The noises. I suppose I have been coughing a little more lately, and I know occasionally one of my rants might get a little loud, but I think I can officially promise not to cause a majorly embarrassing scene by quacking hysterically.
E: Hysterically or adorably? It’s a fine, fine line, my friend. You’re probably right, though. Those ducks won’t want to stop for water as often as I do when traversing the city in the summer months. And I really doubt they’ll tackle hill repeats with me in the muggy pre-dawn hours. Truth be told, I have some concerns about running city streets with them, too. It’s not all Make Way for Ducklings out there.Then there’s the fact that ducks are generally minimalist runners. Who is going to bail me out with a spare pair of headphones or a Flip Belt lend? Not the ducks, that’s for sure.
K: Oh, forget the hills. I’m not convinced those cheaters won’t fly right up ’em—literally. And they’re going to make you feel bad about wanting to sleep in on those rainy summer mornings, too. I’ll bitch and moan right there with you (if we actually make it out of bed), but those damn ducks are going to be all “look at us, we glide right through these puddles.” You don’t need anyone ruffling your feathers like that. Have you considered the canine issue? I’ve seen you spooked a few times now, but for the most part those puppies understand the pecking order. We’re bigger than they are! But no duckling’s going to scare a dog away . . .
E: I’m not sure what tired adage to assign to this little debate of ours. Birds (or Kels & Els) of a feather must run together? Make new (bird) friends but keep the old? Hrmmm. It was nice jogging with my feathered friends while you were out of commission this morning, but I’m already looking forward to reuniting with my #1 Running Bud
K: I am one lucky duck.