Hello, you three other hotel gym rats, on this bright spring Sunday afternoon in San Francisco. It is a real honor to be with you today to present a Most Annoying Workout award. One of you has really earned it.
Granted, I was already annoyed going in to today’s workout: I am stuck inside on an elliptical as I rehab a knee injury on a beautiful day for an outdoor running adventure here in sunny California.
So my mood wasn’t great, and I was halfway thru my 3-mile elliptical trudge to nowhere when one of you walked to the nearby treadmill, stood astride the frame and turned the belt on to some pace that had the motor screaming. Then you proceeded to leap on to the belt and thud your way thru a roughly 15-second sprint, jumping off onto the frame for ten or twenty seconds before leaping on for another sprint. Over and over. Workouts are all about rhythm and flow, and yours had none.
I tried my best to decipher the timing pattern of your sprint and rest intervals, so I could brace myself for your explosive sprints. But yours couldn’t have been more irregular. Or more distracting–there was no chance of getting into that altered state of a workout groove. The commotion was as ridiculous as your post-run plank session. They are called “planks,” not “stick-your-ass-in-the-air pyramids.”
So, congratulations, friend. Please accept my sweat-soaked workout towel as a reward. At least half that perspiration is from sheer anxiety caused by trying to protect myself from your workout buffoonery.